Another day, Needing a reason to go on

I seem to be afflicted with the foolish folly of falling in love with people who can't seem to love me back. What gets me the most about this emotional affliction is that it seems that it is very much the way I am when I am in love. When I am in love, I am utterly and completely devoted to that person, which as some people have pointed out is rather insane because until I know that person welcomes that devotion im just hurting myself. Rather effectively.

The point is though, that until someone is ready to feel love for you, loving them will just, like magic, near guarentee the prevention of that love growing (unless introduced very gently over a long time). Though out life i've learned (for myself) that love is like bamboo, it can be used to make houses, it is incredibly strong material when used in the right ways and given time can support almost any weight. However, it is also like bamboo in that when it is young it it very brittle and fragile (this is the age of the love not the people) it has positives aspects in that it bends easily and adapts, but it is also weak in that excessive bending or pushing leads to it becomming broken and unable to grow strong in that particular direction or toward that particular person.

We are all responsible for nurturing the growth of love. Sometimes, like Gardeners we need to stop it growing in certain direction and certain ways. Always growing towards the sun. Unlike gardening, the garden is also growing us.

I have some advice for anyone who thinks they may have found the love of their life (and this is only for the genuine people, players FUCK OFF!). First Relax breath! They probably can be, but the most important things to do are (learned from hard lessons and too late):

1) Be there for the person when THEY need you. No matter why they need you.
2) You must, quickly, find a way to become physically part of their life and a friend (internet dating and phone relationships can be fun and can lead to a relationship, but until your in that other persons life your at constant risk of losing them every day your not there).
3) Establish very early on your intentions and be sure to stick by them (that is to say, tell them just exactly how beautiful, attractive and sexy you find them.. subtly of course!). Also establish that they mean more than that (if they don't mean more than just that to you move on immidiately! your wasting your time and ultimately hurting someone elso who does/will truely love this person for all they are).
4) No matter how they seem, or what they say, how they appear to feel for you.. stick by your own feelings (i'm not saying become a stalker here!!! but I am saying, they will only distract you from your true course. Listen to them of course, but don't take anything too deeply to heart. Whilst they want/seek/accept your company, they want you [no matter what they say. This must also remain unsaid, no one likes it when they know someone is consiously manipulating the situation, I don't, but by not being consious of it myself I may have lost the love of my life]). You need to do this though without being arrogant, know whats right for you, but don't presume whats right for them. Let them decide that at their own pace.
5) Be confident! This is vitally important, don't try and protect your heart by being meek like I did, be confident, know your worth it and show them they are worth you (and only them). Never cry, be a man. This was one of my biggest mistakes with the love of my life, I was so afraid of losing her, I came over so needy and desperate (its a killer for any passion in a relationship).
6) Nurse them through their crushes. They will have them, and they will likely not be you! Espcially if the woman you love is very attractive and your less "traditionally desirable".
7) Let other women like/be with you, but always choose her first. There is something important about her feeling she has "won" you or "taken" you from someone else. This doesn't mean go around flirting with other women! This just means, neither encourage or reject attentions. Excepting of course attentions from her which you should always embrace (no matter what).

Choose very carefull! Don't go around thinking you love someone, or trying to love someone. It can never work (unless by happy coinicidence you where actually destined to truely fall in love).
Love will find you, it will also wait the longest time to do so. You do need to be out and living your life for this of course!

For a long time, people told me "you just know when your in love" and this answer used to "piss me off rotten" because I was like, oh yeh... so how do you tell it appart from just passion? how do you know its going to last etc. Well, this thinking lead me to my previous relationship, which lead me to find out what love really is. Even though my ex told me "its everything or nothing" I didn't belive her and she had her own dobuts about this herself. She, of course, was right.

When your in love, and I mean truely in love, you don't have a single doubt in your mind that this person is the right person for you. Thats not to say that happens from day one (though I guess it could, but would be "dubious" of it if it did possibly?) its something you realise and once you realise it understand there can be noone else for you. If you find this love, and you find it shared, the important thing to do is write down how you both feel, talk about all the things which could go wrong and understand them together and then comitt yourselves to make this feeling be how you forever forward feel, no matter what... to be for all tommorows the way you are together today. Once you can promise that each other, get married. Things will never be perfect and lots of work will be required, but as long as you have that thing to hold onto, and you both are willing to humble yourself to each other, everything will work.

Ok, this turned into a bit of a lecture.

I am just devistated that I learned all this too late. I bent and broke our bamboo we shared together, it wasn't a strong growth and there was a lot of stony ground, but it could have grown so strong if I had known.

Some battles we can never win (love matches not meant to be) but, as long as those shoots of love are tended, they will always grow.

Wishing you never go through what i'm going through,

DoggyDude