In the past i've felt like that. Like I was searching the universe for that special someone, that soul mate. I found her (for me) when I met Alex, she is everything to me (and I know she cares deeply for me too, but just "not in that way"). Then, *sigh* it seems she's everything to everyone who gets close to her, she's the love of everyones life! So, now i'm thinking to myself, are you searching the world for the love of yours? Is everyone?
Somehow, I choose to stay single because I know none of the relationships I could have are right because I don't care for those people in the right ways (also, those people are opposite to me in that they tend (in general) to form a relationship with everyone until they happen to love someone). I know girls who are very beautiful and (thanks to them being very direct) I know they like me (which is always lovely to hear) but I also know I could never be happy with them outside the simple gratification that comes from having someone beautiful that wants me (and that is very gratifying and possibly something to be shared more, letting people know it anyway). Its not simply that they have some minor incompatibilities here, its they have major apposing life style choices (Smoking, Peircing, Tatoos, Drug use, a Player which-ever). Not that they are bad people in any way, just they aren't for me. I'm not a great looker myself, I seek the right heart more than I seek the right looks, but looks aren't unimportant to me either. So, i've got the worst of both worlds, i'm not someone who will just get close to anyone whos around so i'm not alone, I am not someone who will settle based on looks nor based purely on personality (though, I believe this could happen as long as they love me with their whole heart and seek not to hurt me and I can love them), nor am I someone whos going to be happy with just lots of great friends. I'm sounding pretty fussy huh.
Funny thing is, I have to wait to see what happens with Alex! Shes the first person in my life I would do that for. In a way, I almost hope the last too. Otherwise i'll be dead before I know it lol. Alex is the first person I love completely and unreservedly, she has the keys to my heart. I hope she chooses to use them.
Saturday 18 July 2009
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So... How did it go with Alex?! That post was from a few years ago. It’s really amazing… this internet thing, don’t you think? I’m from Argentina, and its crazy… me here reading you love stuff...
ReplyDeleteM.F.
It depends on what I choose to believe. If I take something she said as "the final truth" then theres no way forward together. Though somehow I don't think its that way.
ReplyDeleteAs of right now, we talk every day, and I am trying to convince her I am the right choice for her too.
lol. Yeah. Internet is a strange place, so many people and so few real connections.
I think, despite everything to the contary, things with my and Alex where meant to be. I think I just have to help her to understand. I hope.