Why Windows Media Player is Crap

Prelude: I've read this back and this article does not represent the "every day" DoggyDude. This is a pressure release rant which I enjoyed writing just to get out some of the frustrations caused by poor product design. Please read it taken with a grain of salt, but enjoy, hope you might relate.

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I am SO sick of Windows Media Player!

Heres the shortlist of reasons:

1. DRM Bullshit,
2. Atrocious interface
3. Spyware Mentality
4. Bloat

I think i'll just list some of its failings:

1) Cannot control Brightness/Contrast on all Media (Especially annoying when watching DVD's).
2) The ability to control the video stream is dependant on the media (how stupid is that, its all Video! If its not streaming of a server you damb well should always be in control).
3) One watches a Movie, exits the player to do something else (say a call comes in), one reloads media player and press play again. What do you expect to happen? I certainly don't %*£&$ expect it to play my b**ody music library from a random location when I don't have shuffle enabled).
4) How many £"(%*& executables does a media player need! Not "$%*(&£ 3 thats for sure (wmplayer.exe, mfpmp.exe, wmpnscfg.exe).

Yes. I know what they are all reportedly for:

wmplayer.exe - Main Application
mfpmp.exe - Media Foundation protected Pipeline (DRM?)
wmpnscfg.exe - Network Sharing Component

If I want network sharing i'll $£&(£"&$ enable Network Sharing.. don't force me to have it loaded! If you have to have DRM £"*($& integrate it already! or at least put it in a £*(%!@ DLL.

5) Stupid interface (which is never in the right place at the right time)... what the "£%(@ kind of stupid tabs are:

• Now Playing,
• Library,
• Rip,
• Burn,
• Sync and
• Media Guide!

Where is the design? Where was the thought? A clue, NONE!

I loaded the £"$*(% player, I KNOW what is playing, i'm listening to or waching it (well I would expect to be). Library? If I wanted a £"$(&* libarary i'd use a database! >.<. I just want to play my media (I didn't want a Media Library, and even if I did, i'd want it to be an addin). Rip? Rip! Stop !"£%@ trying to be cool, your supposed to be a professional company Microsoft! Use something normal like Copy, Duplicate, Replicate or something (If I wanted to use something "cool" i'd buy a £%(&*ing iPod or a Mac). I want easy to use, I want purpose, I want well designed (in short, I want traditional Microsoft product). Burn? Are we trying to commit arson? NO! Write to CD, Save... Output to CD.. even if you have to use burn. Why the heck is is jumbled in with all those other different options?

6) No matter what options you configure for Windows Media Player it always trys to interact with the internet! Always! >.<. If your not running either a decient software firewall or a hardware one you would never know its reporting on you. I can't say I know what its reporting, but it IS reporting (often). Whatever it is reporting, there is NO reason or excuse for it.

I'm in a very bad mood with Media Player!

Imagine loading Notepad and it offering you script editing, Visual Basic, OCR, text sharing, mobile notes and sticky notes... then imagine that when you load it, it has a menu system like "Banner, Swat, Text List, Mobile Comments, Visual Basic".. what the HELL! You would never load it, but because Media Player is "integrated" I use the damn thing. Clearly, i'm a fool for doing this, but that makes whoever layed out Media Player clearly a moron.

Why not have the main tabs:

• Audio,
• Video,
• Live,
• Network,
• Manage

Then have sub-tabs

Audio:

Sounds,
Music

Video:

Videos (Clips),
Movies

Live:

Tv,
Radio,
On Demand,
Service

Network (leading to the same menus without network option):

Streaming Media

Manage:

Just opens up the right folder view, configured as desired... with maybe a side pane so when u click on a file you can lookup its details and store it nearby (or linked to the file).

Its not hard! You've done the hard part, now make it good.

 
ps. Thanks for all the comments :) and its fine to vent, feel free.. I feel your pains!

Motivation

Motivation is something lacking my my life right now. I have had motivation in the past but enevitably I always reached a point which leaves me feeling "why bother!".

I don't think the motivation goes away? What I susspect is that I come to a realisation that the activity itself becomes pointless (I think this needs an example):

I've always been motivated to "be the best" at what I do, excelling in my field drives me. At first, this seems like a great situation! In time though, I came to realise, life rarely rewards / appriciates "the best" people think they want "the best", but utimately what people demonstrate to really want (life has shown to me) is the best for them e.g:

The Cheapest to obtain,
The Fastest to obtain and
The Easiest to obtain.

People seem to feel they want the best, but, there are always conditions. I came to realise that there is no point putting-in the effort to make something that I know / feel to be the best because it is so rarely appriciated / rewarded. I found people would praise and reward me for doing something quickly, but would rarely praise me for doing something well / properly. It seems I can either be the best and be unappriciated / under rewarded, or I can make money and have quality of life.

That motivation leads to a depressing conclusion.

I need to find a motivation that I can live by which is compatible with life? but I seem to have the worst combination of character flaws and virtues which preventing / exclude this goal.

I guess what i'm learning from writing this out is that being "the best" is not a sustainable motivation.

The nature of life

Life is funny. If you get things right, for long enough early on then you have room to get things very wrong later on for longer. However, conversely, if you get little things wrong early on, no amount of rights can entirely counter those early mistakes.

This of course is a generalisation of the highest order. When you look at life, there are all sorts of variations out there. However, in the things I find to be important in life this holds true. This does beg the question, do I hold these things important because they are the very things I cannot atain due to the nature of those mistakes?

Honestly speaking I don't know the answer.

I know that very few people make me happy and right now only one soul completes me (Alex).

Still, at least my whole life hasn't been a mistake (not entirely).. though at the moment things are a real mess.

Modern business practices are a millstone to quality!

The mantra of all modern business is buy buy low sell high. This is after all is the modern basis of profit. The problem is that this mantra does not necessarily lead to profit for all, and, infact, usually leads to negative profit for the consumer! This is the fundimental problem with the modern concept of profit.

There are two types of profit (as I consider it), there is the type of profit where all parties involved profit (positive profit) and the type where the person selling the goods profits, at the expense of the person buying the goods (negitive profit). The problem is, modern business does not seem to really care wether profit is a positive or negitive profit so long as it is a profit to them.

See my point yet?

Positive and Negative Profit

Now, I can think of lots of arguments around this topic, the most obvious being that "positive profit is an illusion". Well, lets give an example of positive profit (just to prove it exists):

1. Person "A" can't cook but loves to sew and has an abundance of clothes. Person "A" doesn't want to learn to cook, but person "A" wishes to eat.
2. Person "B" has a surplus of food (he/she loves to cook) and the food is of low value to them because they can't use it, but person "B" hates to sew.
3. Person "B" can exchange food for person "A"'s clothes. It always leads to a positive profit because "A" receives something they need and so does "B" and both only lose what they do not need / require.

This is of course describing a bater system. Though, in theory, money can equal this system by someone external to the two parties (fair and impartial) setting a price for both goods based on effort put in to produce the goods.

So, this is prositive profit. It does exist. The profit here is for all, even if only one side is receiving goods and the other money (e.g. in the case of person "A" buying what he needs with money.. in theory person "B" can at a later date use said money to buy clothes).

What money allows is for a delay between "selling" and "receiving true compensation".

If I came to you today and said "If you give me that egg, i'll give you this note saying i'll work for 1 hour in exchange which you can use at any time to get 5 hours work from me" and you though that was a fair exchange for your egg so took the paper. If then you didn't have a job for me for 6 months, you would not expect in 6 months time 1 hour to last 1 minuet instead of 60!

This is what happens with money though! The value of it is constantly changing. If you have one pound today, it might buy you an egg, but in the future, it might buy you two eggs? or more likely half an egg. For the same amount of work provided. Therefore, money is a huge enabler of negitive profit!

This is how people who control the money remain "rich" and the population remain "poor". Whilst at the same time, keeping the population motivated (in theory) to work and collect money. It does mean that people within the population can become relatively richer than their neighbour by the amount of work applied.

Money does have many positive aspects (after all it needs them), but, modern business constantly tries to exploit the negative aspects of capital. This is "because discuised negitive profit is an increased profit to the seller/business because they receive both their own share of the profit and the consumers share as well". Not every business deals "directly" with negitive profit, it is of course obvious that you would not want to deal with a company offering a negitive profit (once you are aware of it). So, the negative profit is normally applied in a fashion which makes it either "indetectable" without the full facts or applies it internally within the business (in the form of unfair sharing of rewards). Many instituation hide behind the complexity of money as a way to ensure that negitive profit continues to flow in the correct direction (to them).

Companies can also themselves be the "victim" of negitive profit (for example "Piracy" results in a negative profit for businesses). Companies can "choose" negative profit in the short term (with themselves as the victim) in order to recieve a larger negative profit in future (with themselves as the victor). This can be a valid way of attracting new customers, but at the end of the day no matter who is the victim of negative profit it always has a negative effect! Two negative profits, distributed equally in both directions does not lead to an equal positive profit!

Why? because whilst whichever party is suffering from the negative effects they are bound to pass on those effects to who they deal with or just suffer themselves.

So, business is always trying to pay less for more.. this either leads to people being "ripped off" (wether they are consious of it or not) or to people the quality of products and services falling as people trie to undercut one another for the business (again, leading to negative profit all around).

Too tired to explain it in more detail, or go into all my considerations... post comments please!

God I miss her

I miss Alex so much!

It's been around 4 days since we last talked, not long in the terms of a normal friend, but feels like forever when it comes to Alex. Whilst I am "mentaly" accepting that she has decided to keep looking for her "Mr Right" I am still living and reliving those two weeks where I made every possible stupid mistake to guarentee we could never become anything more than friends (and even lost some of that friendship for it).

There are bright points to all this depression. Alex is still the most ammazing friend I have, one with whom I share more of her true heart than any other I've meet (and I'd wager, "alive"). If it where not for how close we where from the start, then I think I wouldn't have been able to do anything to make a difference (but, thats not how it was, was it :(). It was the closeness we shared from the day we meet that made there mistakes to be made (or to put it another way, it was that closeness/deep connection that overrode the impossibility of a relationship for her). People can argue that, if someone doesn't like you enough in the romantic sense then eventually you will make the mistake that ends it. What I've learned is that, whilst it is more difficult to win a partner (in this case girl) who is not as attracted to you as she is to other men it is not impossible (as long as she is attracted to you and you can demonstrait to her your love in terms of true love). It is just a case then of proving to her your worth it (in terms she will appriciate and understand) before she finds a reason to not like you.

The person she is seeing now knew that much better than I... and, in the unlikely event he didnt I actually warned him not to make the same mistakes as me (hes a decient guy and Alex has told me she liked him and I love Alex so I will always put her first) . Sometimes it sucks to be a decient person, but i'm glad I am (not saying i'm perfect or great, but just, decient [though I try to be great ;)]).

We used to talk every day Alex and I. Sometimes we would talk for 8 hours at a time at the weekend. She used to fall asleep on the phone to me and I loved that she was that relaxed and happy in my company. I am suffering serious withdrawals, it wasn't what we said, it was just the presence of her, she always made me feel so loved. Though, she never claimed to love me... it was the way she made me feel. I hope I knew how to make her feel loved back :(.

Well, theres nothing I can do now. If I phone her, she won't call back for days, and I'll feel worse because I will feel rejected. I have texted her, but she never used to text me back anyway (excepting some very perfunctionary ones and the occasional panic if she didn't hear from me). I know she will call in time, she still needs me, just not the way she used to.

On the flip side

I guess I know all this too because of the situation with my ex-girlfriend *sigh*, I loved her so much when we initially got to know one another. When we got together, I found quite a number of serious points on which we where entirely incompatible, but, at the time I knew I loved her and this was the person I loved "we could work out anything", at this point, I firmly believe that if she had shown me that kind of love back, we would be together today (even she has said as much). She didn't, she ripped me apart (after first putting on a face of understanding leaving me "comfortable" to tell things like they where). It was that "betrayal" that put the first knife into my love for her, and then the number of times she crushed my love into the dirt and made me beg not to lose her finally made the part of me that loved her hide forever (or at least, take a form which meant we didn't need to be so close). Its more complex than just that of course, it always is, I made a ton of mistakes there too, but we both learned together.

My mistake was to feel that "because she loves me, she will understand" love and understanding are very seperate, you lucky if you have a partner which gives you both. My mistake was to not to realise how I could hurt her feelings. So, in a way, we where both as bad as one another. I did several things which "upset" the relationship too. In the end, we both have to take equal blame I guess. I just understand my own pains better, because i'm me.

So, given all that, I know that if things had been "different" (less stupid mistakes on my part, and more understanding on hers) then I might still be "in love" with my ex-girlfriend, instead of just loving her as someone who has been important in my life. She is still is an important friend, infact, I'd say shes still is a best friend (in terms of being there if I need her) *happy* which is probably where it should have remained from the beginning (oh, btw, she lives 22,000 miles away *lol* so we definitely not still together, just friends there for each other).

Seventeen Important lessons to learn before you meet the love of your life

I have learned leassons of love the hardest way possible, after my last post I've decided I should share the do's and dont's I have learned through this experience in the hope that maybe I can save someone else from losing the love of their life (I dedicate this to Alex, the love of my life):

Seventeen Important Lessons:

Don't: Always think about what you don't have in the relationship.
Do: Always value what you have in the relationship.

Don't: Describe your emotional need of your desired partner.
Do: Show how much you need them by the actions you take to be with them and to consider them.

Don't: Fear that they don't know how much you care.
Do: Continuiously take actions in your life which shows them how you care. Call them (though not too offten, say at least twice a week at first). Bring or send them little things you know they like (show how you know what they like).

Don't: Get jelous over other people who pay them attentions, even (and this is very important) if they return them.
Do: Simply be there, stay with them through whatever and hopefuly be the one who they choose to leave with.

Don't: Judge your own worth by their actions or present feelings towards you.
Do: Be confident, be paitient, be attentive and most importantly be yourself (not who you become based on how they act.. this is very important to understand).

When I meet Alex for the second time, she already meant so much to me, I wanted everything to be perfect. Since I wanted everything to be perfect, I tried, subconsiously to interperate her every action or emotion and adapt myself to make her most comfortable. I cannot stress enough that "This always has the complete opposite effect". Instead of making her comfortable, I made her uncomfortable and irritated (even annoyed by me). It pains me to think how I acted now. I suffered from being my emotions, not myself. People don't fall in love with someones emotion, they fall in love with people and personality, whilst we are living by our emotions we fail to be ourselves. I am not advocating being completly detached, but I am advocating tight emotional control until such a time as she shows she needs you to be emotional (*and this is important, you need to be open to emotion but under control... this is made very difficult with Alcohol involved... I recommend that you don't go out drinking with someone your crazy for until shes also crazy for you).

Don't: Fear your attentions will be rejected.
Do: Reserve your attention until you are both relaxed and happy, or when she shows signs of needing support. In the second occasion never be afraid or worried about giving a supporting cuddle (to not give a hug when its needed is far worse for any relationship than one being rejected). Always restrict yourself to support when it is the second case! Unless she changes the situation.

Don't: Try and adapt to what she wants of you.
Do: Try to be respectful of their wishes, curtious, paitent and understanding (though, you should always be this IMHO). Within the bounds of yourself, be flexible but also firm.

I've realised that people don't really know what they really want, people know history, what they have enjoyed and what they think they will enjoy.. but people don't know from moment to moment what they truely want. It is defined by continuing experience. There are some things people have, from their experience, already defined they definitely don't want though. Unless you can outweight that existing experience you can't overcome such things. So, my point is, don't be a complete pushover but make things enjoyable.

Don't: Stay too long in her company at a single session (unless they desperately want you to).
Do: Leave her when you are both still enjoying each others company. Have a good reason for going, sleep, food, previous engagement, appointment or whatever (don't just up and leave them cold). Let them know whenever you leave how much you have enjoyed the day... if they ask you to stay longer, unless this request is heartfelt and pleading just say your really sorry, look how you feel (harder than it sounds, stupidly) and say goodbye. If they really want you to stay, never just flat stay, make them aware what you will be missing out on (not in a way to make them guilty) just in a way that makes them feel your staying only because they mean so much to you.

Don't: Talk tabout their ex (even if you feel you can add something).
Do: Listen to them talk, you need to understand, sympathise if appropiate, relate where possible and gently try to steer the conversation away from the topic. This one is the hardest to do, because this will be a very sensitive subject for most women (if they where ultimately rejected in some way). If you can't understand a person with the people from their past, they its not a good sign for your future together. Thats not to say you have to understand, but you need to at least understand the way they see it and feel they are right.

I can't talk much about my personaly experiences on this point because I love Alex and it involves her life and I am already stretching things by even mentioning her first name. So I will just say what I have and move on.

Don't: Establish yourself as a "best friend". Once you become a "friend she can't live without" she may stop thinking of you in romantic terms, you risk always being seen as a friend (risk her feeling that what you share together already is so great, why risk things going wrong by having a romantic relationship? more would be to risk loosing too much?). This is a sad but true fact.
Do: Be her best friend (because you want to of course, after all this is the love of your life, you should be hers and if you aren't well, think again about wether your looking at the right partner), be there for her. Always keep that "up in the air feeling" about the definition of your relationship. Don't define it, live it. Giving things names too soon can spoil things (or trying to be something too soon).

Don't: Hesitate if she goes to kiss you. Hesitation is a killer for romance, no matter the real reason for the hesitation (which you will know) unless shes already massively into you (unlikely if its early days) the doubt of why you hesitated could cause her to doubt her own feelings!
Do: If a "kiss moment" occurs, do kiss her, no matter what shes said prior to this moment. Kiss her even if shes previously said "Never Kiss me" (as long as she goes to kiss you, for whatever reason [excepting of course something obviously ment only effectionately, like if you just found her lost cat or something]). It is important to note here that your never to force a kiss on anyone. The situation I am talking about here is if she goes to kiss you but then possibly hesitates herself or looks unsure and goes to withdraw. If you have the chance, kiss her at this moment (and make a quick one, you don't want to end up with her fending you off). If she does anything to truely prevent the kiss (hands up in front of face, looks petrified of you).... you should just smile at her reasuringly and with love, reach for her hand and draw her close, or possibly lead her to dance. Then, wait until she is relaxed and go to kiss her in the same way she tried to kiss you except be confident.
Do: Let her control the kiss. If you think she wants you to kiss her, move slowly but obviously to kiss her. If she recoils from a kiss you are initiating, don't ever look put out, look "disapointed" but smile and if possible squeeze her hand as you withdraw. Don't be offended. See what she says.

"It is better to kiss her and for her to tell you it is wrong, than to not kiss her and for her to feel rejected or unattractive to you". This is not to say you should not respect her wishes, this is assuming there is opportunity. A "No" is a probably "No", if she still leaves herself open for a kiss. Watch her body language. You can make the first kiss, but, if it is rejected, then after that it is entirely down to her to initiate any other kisses. Just make sure if there was a moment for kissing, you kiss.

Don't: Be over gentlemanly. Don't always wait for permission from her.
Do: Be respectfull and mindfull of her wishes. Be open and honest, not so much that your rude though. It is better to show her how you feel /the way you see her and risk her not being happy by it than for her to think that you don't see her as a beautiful, sexual creature.

There is a very fine line to draw here, and its not an easy one to walk. It is equally bad to force your attention onto someone who doesn't want it as it is to not show it to someone who is unsure how they see you. Its made much harder by the fact that most girls are not sure what they want, so it means you can't just listen to what they say. Most importantly, kissing a girl you like despite her saying you should not is not wrong. Doing anything more against her wishes is criminal. If in doubt, ask her if she will hold you, if she will / does then see where it goes from there (just let her do any esculating).

I was so scared to offend Alex that I kept my distance. I was a complete gentleman and I regret it so much. She wanted to hold me, wanted to be close to me, wanted someone... but didn't know what to think and err'd on the side of, "No". If I had just relaxed and cuddled her, held her, let her know I loved her things may well have been very different today. I didn't because she was so afraid, and I thought it was because she didn't like me or want to be with me. I now know it was because she didn't know what she wanted. Was playing safe. She did like me. Though, that died because I was too nice.

People might have lots of "opinions" here, but I am telling you confirmed fact. I can't go into details, but I know this is true.

Don't: Buy too much into what they feel they want when its not in the romantic interests of you two as a couple.
Do: Listen to what they want, understand it in terms of the girl you know and love (this all is only for the girl you love truely). Support that which is good and you see yourself. If they fancy someone else, contradict them in a playful way, make light of the person. Say "What him?" (but with a smile and make it clear your teasing). Always place yourself as "superior" to whomever it is. Say something funny, like "well then, I'm in with a great chance" and don't take whatever she says next to heart.

Don't: Ever "back down" about your feelings. Don't keep pushing them either, but just don't ever show if your hurt or think you will never have her. Your doubt will become hers.
Do: Let her know your feelings in an unambigious way. If you make a mistake and say something ambigious, don't get flustered, wait a little to see what she says. Maybe next time, let her know more clearly. Once your certain she understands (or if she gets impaitent) let it go. Don't bring it up again until either she does or months have gone by.

Don't: Ever be afraid to ask her on a date!
Do: Make sure you make at least one occasion spent together in the early days of knowing her, "a date". Even if shes not sure she liked you, a date is unthreatening, flattering and establishes intent. If she refuses to go on a date, your in a bit of a sticky situation, however, if she will agree to spend time with you that day just as a friend. Take it. Make it a really great day for her. Next time you see her, ask her on a date again. If she refuses again, ask her if she enjoyed the day spent as friends? see how that goes... keep alternating time spent as friends and asking her on a date.

Don't: Reveal your emotional weaknesses. Don't cry, get insecure, worry (unless its in care for her) or get hurt.
Do: Be emotional with her. Show it though very, very subtly. A frown at the right moment, a sad face. Then try and move on quick. If you can't deal with your emotions there and then, leave it for the day... say you need to go. If she asks you to stay, excuse yourself to the restroom and get it out of your system.

Don't: Overstate your attachment to her. Nor should you let her know how much she means to you too early.
Do: Show her by your actions always, but if your having to say it your either not "acting" enough or not acting in the way she needs. If it is the second case, ask her whats wrong, ask her what you can do, tell her you care and want her to be happy (which I know you will do if you love her).

Another day, Needing a reason to go on

I seem to be afflicted with the foolish folly of falling in love with people who can't seem to love me back. What gets me the most about this emotional affliction is that it seems that it is very much the way I am when I am in love. When I am in love, I am utterly and completely devoted to that person, which as some people have pointed out is rather insane because until I know that person welcomes that devotion im just hurting myself. Rather effectively.

The point is though, that until someone is ready to feel love for you, loving them will just, like magic, near guarentee the prevention of that love growing (unless introduced very gently over a long time). Though out life i've learned (for myself) that love is like bamboo, it can be used to make houses, it is incredibly strong material when used in the right ways and given time can support almost any weight. However, it is also like bamboo in that when it is young it it very brittle and fragile (this is the age of the love not the people) it has positives aspects in that it bends easily and adapts, but it is also weak in that excessive bending or pushing leads to it becomming broken and unable to grow strong in that particular direction or toward that particular person.

We are all responsible for nurturing the growth of love. Sometimes, like Gardeners we need to stop it growing in certain direction and certain ways. Always growing towards the sun. Unlike gardening, the garden is also growing us.

I have some advice for anyone who thinks they may have found the love of their life (and this is only for the genuine people, players FUCK OFF!). First Relax breath! They probably can be, but the most important things to do are (learned from hard lessons and too late):

1) Be there for the person when THEY need you. No matter why they need you.
2) You must, quickly, find a way to become physically part of their life and a friend (internet dating and phone relationships can be fun and can lead to a relationship, but until your in that other persons life your at constant risk of losing them every day your not there).
3) Establish very early on your intentions and be sure to stick by them (that is to say, tell them just exactly how beautiful, attractive and sexy you find them.. subtly of course!). Also establish that they mean more than that (if they don't mean more than just that to you move on immidiately! your wasting your time and ultimately hurting someone elso who does/will truely love this person for all they are).
4) No matter how they seem, or what they say, how they appear to feel for you.. stick by your own feelings (i'm not saying become a stalker here!!! but I am saying, they will only distract you from your true course. Listen to them of course, but don't take anything too deeply to heart. Whilst they want/seek/accept your company, they want you [no matter what they say. This must also remain unsaid, no one likes it when they know someone is consiously manipulating the situation, I don't, but by not being consious of it myself I may have lost the love of my life]). You need to do this though without being arrogant, know whats right for you, but don't presume whats right for them. Let them decide that at their own pace.
5) Be confident! This is vitally important, don't try and protect your heart by being meek like I did, be confident, know your worth it and show them they are worth you (and only them). Never cry, be a man. This was one of my biggest mistakes with the love of my life, I was so afraid of losing her, I came over so needy and desperate (its a killer for any passion in a relationship).
6) Nurse them through their crushes. They will have them, and they will likely not be you! Espcially if the woman you love is very attractive and your less "traditionally desirable".
7) Let other women like/be with you, but always choose her first. There is something important about her feeling she has "won" you or "taken" you from someone else. This doesn't mean go around flirting with other women! This just means, neither encourage or reject attentions. Excepting of course attentions from her which you should always embrace (no matter what).

Choose very carefull! Don't go around thinking you love someone, or trying to love someone. It can never work (unless by happy coinicidence you where actually destined to truely fall in love).
Love will find you, it will also wait the longest time to do so. You do need to be out and living your life for this of course!

For a long time, people told me "you just know when your in love" and this answer used to "piss me off rotten" because I was like, oh yeh... so how do you tell it appart from just passion? how do you know its going to last etc. Well, this thinking lead me to my previous relationship, which lead me to find out what love really is. Even though my ex told me "its everything or nothing" I didn't belive her and she had her own dobuts about this herself. She, of course, was right.

When your in love, and I mean truely in love, you don't have a single doubt in your mind that this person is the right person for you. Thats not to say that happens from day one (though I guess it could, but would be "dubious" of it if it did possibly?) its something you realise and once you realise it understand there can be noone else for you. If you find this love, and you find it shared, the important thing to do is write down how you both feel, talk about all the things which could go wrong and understand them together and then comitt yourselves to make this feeling be how you forever forward feel, no matter what... to be for all tommorows the way you are together today. Once you can promise that each other, get married. Things will never be perfect and lots of work will be required, but as long as you have that thing to hold onto, and you both are willing to humble yourself to each other, everything will work.

Ok, this turned into a bit of a lecture.

I am just devistated that I learned all this too late. I bent and broke our bamboo we shared together, it wasn't a strong growth and there was a lot of stony ground, but it could have grown so strong if I had known.

Some battles we can never win (love matches not meant to be) but, as long as those shoots of love are tended, they will always grow.

Wishing you never go through what i'm going through,

DoggyDude

Sick with Love

I feel so sickly this morning I could almost vomit. I am not medically i'll, I feel this way because I just talked with the girl I have fallen so deeply in love with (Alex) and listened to her describe a friend who she lives with as though he where an inescapable inevitibility of them becomming a couple. The thought of her not becomming my life partner, my wife, is making me sick to my soul.

She is the first true love of my life, I say the first true love because, with her, for the first time, having got to know her, I am completely and utterly certain only one person will do for me and that the person is her in particular. She knows my feelings, at least, i've told her how I feel, but she doesn't want to return them in the same way. I can't be without her though, even if I have to feel sick this way for the rest of my life, and worse when she is properly together with him, I need her as a part of my life.. I can't imagine life without her.

I messed up so many things when we meet for the second time, so many ways in which I made her scared of me (my feelings being too strong, too quickly). So many things which might have made such a difference. I need her like I need oxygen in the air to breath (I feel like I am choking in a very thin atmosphere between breaths of her), I need her like I need light to see (I can't see life without her) and I need to be with her, whatever the cost. I need help!

I am still so glad of her, even though she is moving slowly and seemingly unstoppably towards the person who can be with her every day (I live 9 hours travel away). I can't need her less, I could't ever need anyone else more, she needs me too, but not as much as I need her it seems. This last sentence would seem to prove me to be a needy person, but its only her I need (oh, and a new job, but thats not an emotional need).

I feel so helpless, only by being there could I change events in motion, but being there is so hard without the resources and I guess more importantly without the demand for me to be there (he wasn't demanded, but he was there and he was paitent, I am not impatient but I am emotionally demanding in manor when around her. She would always like to see me though, but she could never ask it somehow.

All I can do right now is feel so very sick, but try and look for a good job which will give me the resource I need to be with her. Though, even if I find that, the inevitable might already be unstoppable *shivers*.