Tell me what to want?

Somehow, I always seem to enjoy things more when external events has brought whatever it is about. Why is this?

I think that Marketing has become so important to business and financial success that it has almost made commercialism a relgion. Adverts are forever telling us what we want, what we need, what we can't do without.. and even trying to make us want, need, crave whatever product it is the company has to sell. On top of this, Universities and other learning and commercial establishments have grown marketing into an science and because its the science of making people wish to buy whatever they wish to sell, its also the science of human psycology (or, in case of point, the manipulation of wants and needs).

In the early days, I'm sure this was all more or less innocent. I think it probably involved looking at the market, figuring what people did actually want and showing them how the product would provide that. Thats fine (and good). However, then I think it probably evolved to tapping into our sense of excitement over something new and different by showing how the product could change our lives (and therefore replace the existing item in our lives). This was the beggining of what I like to call "the road to consumerism".

I think the problem simply speaking is that marketing ran out of "ordinary" and "ethical" ways to sell new products. They where no longer actually required. Yet, the business still wanted to sell them us anyway! So started the era of manipulation using marketing.

I've grown up with this phenomenon pervading all the media in my life. Worse, i'm of the TV generation which brings media into the home in a way not before possible. The second generation to have television at least in part define my life. Worse for me as I bought into the media in a big way!

Each advert telling me I should be unhappy with what I have and that I would be happy again if I got that product (cut in a 1000 different descuises).

I wonder if it hasn't left me deficient in knowing what I actually want?... I always seem to want to be told what I want. In some ways. I also never seem to stay happy (though, that could be partly just the human condition).

I'm not saying I don't have my own mind. What I am saying is i've been manipulated in so many subitle ways and for so long and in so many forms by all media that now I don't feel confident that what I want is what I want? Yes, I know, that sounds somewhat mental lol.

I am a fairly stubborn person, I have always been fairly specific in what I wanted... but what I wanted has been defined my whole life in a large part by market forces. These days we are all products of marketing in some form.

Even religious groups have become little more thank marketing bodies. Pusing their religions views as "the best", "the one", "the only"... selling their ideas..

Sopism lives. Its just gone corprate!

Message to Nowhere

I'm not really expecting this to be read. So why am I writing it? Well, i'm writing it for me. Then why am I publishing it? Well, why not!

I've come to a point in my life where I've realised that i've probably wasted over half of it trying to stay out of sight. I hate attention, I loath celebrity and i'm no fan of fame. So, whats changed?

Well, I guess I realised a couple of things:

1. Nobody really cares / is interested (woo),
2. Anyone who might would have never have know I existed without this (by the way, i'm not looking for someone to care, thanks you if you do anyway),
3. Whats the point in recording anything if its never read.

So, based on this, why not...

---

I think what bugs me the most about life at the moment is that I have a huge hole in my life, the person who had proved to completely and utterly fullfill me (thus completely identifiying and revealing this hole when she was found not in my life) can't be my other half, which leaves me unwhole. Simple huh.

Funilly, whilst that is a real and on going pain in my life (understated) its not what is really bugging me! What really bugs me is that all the major religions seem to claim to be the solution to this "life hole" issue >.<. Thats what bugs me! What really gets under my skin though is that i'm pretty sure thats not the case! However, I can't actually definitively say it is not or disprove it in any way so am left with this nagging sense of "well, I could be wrong? but I don't think so?". That combined with not actually being sure what the "hole" is in the first place, and only being sure of how it gets filled is driving me crazy (if I wasn't there already).

I think that whomever invented religion (and it was a human, not a god or son of god) was one hell of a Phycologist! He/She (probably a she, they are always better at it) really understood human nature and exploited it to the upmost.

Don't get me wrong here, theres alot of good in many religions... sadly that too is also annoying because those religion sometimes leverage that good they hold to justify their ends and its not offten possible to seperate the ends from the goodnesses.

Well, actually, thinking about it... there are groups out there who don't do that (though they are unlike any traditional religion in that they don't claim to be everything and the only way. I mean, they may well be? They simply just don't need to justify themselves except through their own lives and to the the universe or common good). I digress....

Sometimes I wonder if that hole thats in me is the place where all the happyness in the world would dwell. For, when I was so fulfilled by her, I felt whole, completed with happyness.

Hmmm, well, I guess before I meet her I had times when I was happy... had times when I felt full (though, never quite as full). However, before meeting her, I never felt completed?

It can't simply be happyness. You would think other people could make me as happy. You would think I could find other ways to fill that space. Only she will do. Maybe I made her be the only one who could fill it? Then, she came along and filled it without me choosing her to.

Oh, I don't know.... and i'm even boring myself with this thinking ;).

I don't want religion comments, but if anyone has any "personal" and "non-religion specific" answers to whats missing in my whole that takes the shape of she, please do share.

Are Microsoft on the make?

Ok, so I was browsing the web today (nothing unusual there) and I logged off my hotmail account and was taken to MSN as usual (Microsoft being crafty with their hit counts there, I wonder how many real hits the MSN web site gets? e.g. how many people meant to go there lol).

Well, anyway, Microsofts strategy worked today because I was interrupted by something else and went away without closing my browser window. When I came back MSN was up on the screen and I figured, what the heck, i'm bored, so I read the article which caught my eye and seemed curious.

Well, at some point during my browsing the browser crashed (something to do with Flash) so I re-opened it and went to try and find the article again. So, I visited a couple of MSN sites (and only Microsoft sites) but none of them where the same one that appears on hotmail log out (frustrating). I was about to, for the first time ever, deliberately logout of hotmail just to visit MSN and find and finish reading the article when I noticed that a new browser tab had been opened on my behalf in the browser window I was about to close (not opened by me).

Curious (since my browser had just crashed and re-loaded whilst browsing MSN) I opened it up. It was pointing at "Microsoft Live Search" and it had automatically entered the search criteria of "HDTV" and performed the search.

Now, firstly, I never use Microsoft Live Search (Google is truely the best, and not an ad whore like the others!) and secondly, I didn't clicked anything that remotely might have justified this outcome.

This is deeply concerning, are Microsoft getting paid money for people searching using Live Search for terms like HDTV? Are Microsoft trying to fake usage of their search engine to bost their market position? are Microsoft in fact "on the make"? its hard to see another reason why Microsoft might automatically carry out searches from my system on their search engine (which I might well not try to block at the firewall).

Now, I'll grant you i'm a big fan of Google :D, but, you know why i'm a big fan of google? precisely because they don't perform automatic searches on my behalf in a sneaky fashion >.<

Sick to death of Vista

Firstly, I have to state that I am a big fan of Microsoft Products in general. I've made my career with Microsoft products and they have, on the whole, overall, been good products... Now, to the point:

I bought a new machine, so I wanted to get myself the latest operating system and Microsoft Windows Vista Ultimate seemed the way forward at the time.

Initially, I was impressed, I even touted its new superior features to my Vista-less colleges and made fun of one college who after a month reverted his system to Windows XP (I heavily hinted he was technologically backward). Well, after having used Vista for over a year and a half I am absoloutely sick to death of it and completely don't blame him and actually feel bad for being mean to him!

When I first installed Vista, it was a pleasure to see. It looked great and the 3D and transparancy effects gave my PC a feel of "the wave of the future". This was all great whilst I was only really using my PC as an entertainment centre (Vista is a top notch entertainment center style operating system).

So, during the day I worked using Windows XP in the office (I was running Windows XP, not out of any particular preference over Vista but just becuause my system was already setup and configured exactly the way I liked it and had been for 2 years) and I would come home to play games and relax with Music, Video and DVD using Vista. Life was ok.

Anyway, time moves on. I left my job. I went back to working for myself, so I used my home PC for both work and leisure purposes, and this is how I came to loath Windows Vista!

In my experience, Windows Vista simply does NOT support productivity, and I find it hard to detail why, but the main problem is the Window Vista shell, Windows Explorer!

It fails to be usefull by a number of subitle ommisions or ill conceived additions that serve to frustrate rather than to aid one in whatever task one wishes to perform.

The first frustration is Windows Update. Three times Windows Update has restarted the computer without my permission interrupting and preventing the completion of important running processes. This is unforgivable! It wasn't like these programs where badly written, they correctly responded to the shutdown requests, Windows Vista Update just decided it "knew better". So complaint one, unacceptable loss of work.

The second frustration is the Windows Explorer view. In Windows XP this was simple to configure how you liked the view to be, you could select your columns and save your settings for each folder. You could even set a single global setting for everything. Windows Vista has the same options, but they simply fail to work (yes, i'm on the latests updates, didn't my machine reboot without my permission on three occasions to make sure I was!!! >.<). To qualify exactly how these views fail, I shall list the main faults: 1) Windows attempt to "guess" what view you want when you enter a folder. This guess always happend regardless to wether you have or have not configured the desired view. What this results in is that as you add and remove files from the folder the view can change from whatever view you choose.

2) Configuring a single view for the entire system simply fails to work (or, if you apply the fix mentioned on the web for this, works breifly until you change the content of any folder at which time all folders seem to revert to a single column view).

3) In Windows XP, if you had a large number of files selected then you accidently double click you would be asked if you really meant to double click those files. Under Windows Vista, it just tends to go ahead with the double click!

4) The behavious of the "Backspace" key in Windows Explorer has been changed to be the same as in Internet Explorer. This is stupid because whilst this might be usefull behaviour on the internet it is not desirable in Explorer. So, if I want to return to the "parent" folder from an explorer view in Vista I must navigate to it using the Tree View because the back button will take me to some random location from which I have just come (which is rarely the parent folder).

5) Which brings me to the Folder Tree View in Windows Explorer. Under Windows Vista this tree view does not have any horizontal scroll bar. Just stating that, it sounds like a pettie complaint! However, when you realise that this means if you have a long file path you can't see it without expaning the Tree View Pain you might start to see how irritating this is.

6) There is a bug in internet explorer which means a malformed web page containing Java Script in its header can cause the we page to load over and over again and prevent you exiting Internet Explorer in the normal fashion. So, if you are debuggin web-scripts it is made b***y difficult.

There are many more seemingly minor irritants, which, when experienced as a whole and with a view towards productivity are major drains.

The one thing is odd is that many people have complained about UAC. For me UAC is the one saving grace of Windows Vista! UAC works really well and really helps me take control of the applications running on the PC.

In balance, the technology underlying Windows Vista is sound, and the security improvements are excellent! Its just such a shame it is so poorly aligned to the work environment by stupid bugs in Windows Explorer etc.

Missing Hellgate London

I miss hellgate *wails*.

I hate that petty squabbling between investors has totally killed any possibility of this great game to become a classic (yeh, sure, it needed work... but the game play element was awesome). Can't these people see that whilst the have their petty battles their losing tons of money and losing/lost their fan base (and the money that would go with that).

Yes, theres been massive losses for them I can see, yes its a real mess... but their not going to get out of the mess by fighting over the IP *sigh*.

Thanks to the way Hellgate London had been managed I will probably never "buy in" to another MMORPG type of game again. Hmmm, so I guess I really should thank them because HGL did really eat all my spare time in a massively unproductive (but extreemly addictive) fashion.

*bah* I still miss the darn game. Since it was my first real adventure into online gaming since MUD style games back in 1997 (it seems I go 10 years between online RPG's ;), look out 2017) I feel especially cheated.

Well, for the record, heres is Serial (now sadly gone from us):

With some vanity shots of her enjoying Halloween :)

Oh, and Serials sexy ammerican sister, the very beautifull, SerialX:

I went all out for Hellgate London, I bought 5 original copies of the Game and had paid for founders on both EU and US servers (that was a BIG waste of money, I would have been better off paying subscriptions, would have been cheaper).

Oh well.... such is life. At least I didn't have money invested in the failing banks ;). Then, I do feel sorry for who ever did :(.

People who ammaze / impress me...

I like to think of myself as not without tallent, and I do indeed shine more than many of my peers, then it was from those whom where without peer that I have been inspired to become what I am today :).

It is to these people I dedicate this blog entry!

I'll start from things which are impressing me most reciently, and funilly, whats impressing me today is something that comes from years gone by. Not that i'm slow to be impressed lol, just I keep being impressed by people like these.

Check out this picture, this is one of the many pictures to be found in the Atari 20 Years Demo and it is fantastic (especially when you understand it only uses 16 colours).



This is but one of many impressive screens found in this demo, created by some ammazing people. Having a fondness for Atari and understanding how difficult it is to make it do what these people can make it do makes these demos like fine wine for me. It is possible the uninitiated they might not see the artistry and interlect which has to go into to producing these demos, though prehaps when I tell you that on a machine was never intended or designed to have a resolution greater than 320x200 with 16 colour and these coders blow away these rules and produce screens running in resolutions much, much higher and with up to 512 colours. It might give you a little incling of things. For example, the following screenshot shows a demo running at 415 x 270 resolution.


Or this one running nearly 800 x 600:

You have to see these demos to really appriciate them (and it really helps if you ever tried to code them too lol). If you want to check them out, you can download HAtari which is one of the most comprehensive Atari emulators. You could also download Steem 3.2 which is another excellent Atari emulator (but only supports Atari's up to the STE).

So, for a list of groups or people who have really impressed me (there have been so many, I may forget some, if I miss you i'm sorry):

Sector One

This group wrote the smoothest fastest scrolling routine for the Atari ST i've ever seem with great music to-boot. Simple, elegant, impressive.

These guys are heros! You just run the demos and drop jaw.

Infact, I think I could just stop there LOL.

There where lots of other groups which impressed with some of their intos. Like Elite and the Pompey Pirates to name but two. However, given that they routinely ripped stuff out of other games/programs its hard to say if it was their work which impressed or a compilation of the best of the others (though obviously to rip stuff like that takes a massive amount of skill in itself.. so doubtless they where great hackers). Though the overall composition was obviously theirs alone.

Flame of Finland, whos menu introduction has my most remembered favourite chip-tune. It can't go wihout a mention!

Heres a screen from one of the Pompey Pirate menus, the scroller on this is just fabulous (I wonder if they coded it or ripped it? the music was ripped, great music tho).

Why do we love?

Theres lots of reasons it seems for love, from the scientific through the synical and skeptical right through to it being a reason in itself. The film the Matrix explores this topic in depth, showing the many faces of love and indeed of lust somehow so intertwined with love yet somehow entirely seperate.

Lets look at a few answers to this curious question (note, these don't represnet my views. They just represent possible oppinion, though if any does represent me it would be Caring, Practical, Romantic and Good):

Poetic

Love is a wisper on the wind, the sweetest and deepest care for the one carried in the heart for all time influencing, changing, clamoring to be shared with another equal. Love is the kiss given freely to one who held your heart safe and you know will be there.

Caring

Love is the gift given to that someone whithout whom who could not be and would not wish to exist.

Romantic

Love is that feeling you have always carried deep in your heart feeling so alone without something, and it is the someone who completes your heart and makes it soar.

Practical

Love is for family and friends, love needs to be received and needs to be shared.

For the Heart Broken

Love is that cruelest of tricks played on a heart which causes sorrow and dispare when the illusion is broken and all thats left is the pain and the need.

Synical (Scientific?)

Love is a hormonal response designed to increase the likelyhood of the propagation of ones genes and to instill the desire to protect ones offspring and relations there by protecting the next generation of one's genes.

Religious

God is love, we as gods children seek to be as god and to love as he/she does.

Good

Love is a gift to be given to those that need it. It is to guide and to heal, it is selfless and sacrificing and lives forever in our hearts.

Evil

Love is a trap to be used to ensnare the unwary into bondage and oppression. Woe to those who love for they are the pupets of those they so love.

Unemotional (Detached)

To not love, is to live a life of logic and through logic true love is better served.

Selfish

Love is something to be sought out and taken as much as one can find. Love is only to be given if someone deserves it at each moment it is given.

Lazy

Love is something that will make itself know to you when its ready. I will know when I love, I will not try to love, I will just be.

New Age

Love is everywhere, we must all add to the world of love and unite everything in love.

Conservative

Love is not something which should be discussed in polite society, it is a very personal thing between a man and a woman and is nobodies business but their own.

Wet-Wet-Wet

Love is all around us, feel it in the air. If you really love me? come and show you care.

;)