In love or just sick?

I know its the first, but i'm left feeling like i'm mentally i'll or sub-normal. How can I be so absoloutely unshakably convinced of something that all evidence from the party in question suggests can never be. I know love is blind, but surely it shouldn't be deaf, dumb and unchangable? Then, I guess thats what love really is, I guess people are just "lucky" or "carefull" when the fall in love with someone who can and will love them back (and the carefull one I cannot quite get).

Also, love is apparently distressing when its out of place? I must admit I've never had anyone incontrollably in love with me, infact usually the exact opposite, someone very controllably in love with me. Though, i'm sure if someone was hopelessly in love with me, I wouldn't be upset by it? I'd be sad for them, I might feel guilty for how I might have had a hand in them getting there, I might get fed up of them telling me constantly but thats hopefuly all. Still, I guess you never know till you've been there.

I guess I need to gain more control of my heart. Though somehow I hate that idea, because I believe a heart needs to be free. Then its brining me saddness and worse its bringing upset to the one I love.

I want to appologise to the person I love, I hate that I hurt you by loving you. I hate that the very thing that makes you so great to be with is the very thing which makes me fall for you over and over and ultimately force us appart.

Its hard to try and control ones own heart, because of that internal feeling when you censor your heart that you could be losing something (even though, its probably not true.. well at least I hope its not true.. and thats what drives me mad. Turns an ordinarily extreemly secretive person into someone living anonymously online... its therapy).