I'm so happy.. if I don't think too much.

I just talked with my life love, I was so happy to talk to her, so pleased she called :). I know she doesn't see me the same way as I see her, but, somehow I know she did/would have (see earlier post). Talking with her really does make me so blissfully happy, its incredible how much she makes me smile! If I can just keep myself from thinking about the bigger picture and just enjoy that feeling I can be happy and enjoy our relationship simply for what it is (and not get sad about what it is not and would seem to never be). Its so hard to do that though.

I am trying to imagine an analogy to compare it to. Though none feels quite to capture its uniquness. Though, I could imagine it might feel a bit like how a dehydrated person would feel to sight a single glass of of really fresh and pure water. If he doesn't think too much, doesn't think how he can't have that water really, doesn't think how the water is about to be spilled and lost to him if he can live in that moment, that perfect moment he can be happy without being able to drink.

I want to live in that moment. Actually, I want to drink and to always drink and forever have that drink there by my side... but thats thinking thats the road to unhappyness right now.

In some ways, I am lucky, because I get to sip from the glass. Get to feel the joy of drinking, I just not allowed to have it as my drink. Its like someone offering just a sip of their beer, its enough to make you want the drink, but you know its theirs.

If I could drink down that water, I would love and enjoy every sip and gulp, I would never want to be without that particular pure water again.

Now, I need to distract myself... I just had a perfect moment, I want to hold onto that moment like I failed to hold onto it when it mattered (or, in proper fact, I held on so tight the moment poped right out of my grasp and away from me). So now, I just need to celebrate that perfect moment in my mind, replay the joy of her company in my head live in the moment until another can come to replace its perfection, until she calls again.

I know many people will see me as a bit of an idiot, deluded, stupid.... but I for the first time know true love in my heart. I wish I had understood this from the beginning, and maybe I would not have had to learn those lessons.

DoggyDude

Update: One day later and i'm thinking again... oh god am I thinking. I hate all the people in the world who chaotically go around just kissing everyone until they happen upon someone they end up loving (double for people who do the same with sleeping). I hate me more for not being able to relax when i'm in love, for being so afraid that any chance there may have been for love is lost.

I appeal to anyone whos found someone they love, have faith in your heart, don't have doubts that they might not love you. Be confident, be strong, and if things go wrong then, then they where never meant to be.