Personal Lessons

Reciently I've been having lots of signal issues with the o2 network which used to be fine here. After a few days with no improvement, I rang up to complain and was told there was a fault and it was down to be repaired.. good news I though, though frustrating still (there was a 72 hour turn around to repair, that sounded promising).

Waited a few days (well over 72 hours) and still having problems (though prehaps they were less exreeme? very subjective). The basic issue is that the signal kept dropping out, going from full strength to no strength to full strength (even though I wasn't even moving).

So, I try calling back, but line quality too bad. So I just decide to email. I get a reply back which was pretty useless as it more or less said "maybe its your phone" a definitive "the network is fine in your area, we suggest a phone replacement" would have been better.

Anyway, this isn't really why I am blogging today.

I was talking to the love of my life (and for those following my blog you will know who this is) and the phone starts cutting in and out again. She had said she was going to have some food soon before and I thought to myself (though didn't think much) I should suggest we go since the signal is awful and your about to eat. The way it came out was "I should go and let you eat since the signals bad". I regretted it the moment I said it, it seems simple enough but heres what the problem is:

1. It gives the impression that I wanted to end the conversation (wrong impression)



2. It furthur gives the impression that I am giving up on talking to her because of an inconvinence. That I am "giving up easily" therefore, that I might not care all that much (very wrong impression)



3. It did not consider her feelings in the matter of going or staying. It in fact did not consider anyone. It was inconsiderate.



4. If I had thought for longer, I would have realised that I really didn't want to go. To suggest going was supid and against what I infact wanted. To admit that "I should go, given the problems but would stay and only go if it cut out" was infact what I wanted and what was right.

So, as soon as I said this, she didn't sound very impressed (tone of voice). I don't blame her, she had gone to the effort to call me on a known bad line :(.

I was basicly a fool about it. I tried texted first then tried calling back but, obviously, why would she answer? Things will be ok, I know, we've been best freinds for long enough. I just need to store this up in my mind, keep it in my memory and not let myself do something this stupid again! :( Since right now I am sitting here missing her and wondering if she is now talking to someone else who won't go just because theres some line issues (and in the end alot of this is about me worrying about being perfect, because she is so perfect to me). I know she doesn't work like that really, but I think every girl (everyone?) does on some subconsious level.

Anyway, hopefully lesson learned. I'll just have to miss her until we can speak again :(. Also hope that she will want to "bother" to speak to me after it appeared I didn't bother to speak with her when it was a bad line (this is me being hard on myself now... I just miss her :()