Wednesday 21 October 2009

What is love...

Someone asked online for people to define love... I wrote this and thought, yes I want to blog that:

When you are really and truly in love, you know it (as they say) "balls to bone". Its really true! I often wondered in the past, "am I in love?, I feel so much for this person, more than anything i've felt before?".

What I learned is that if you wondering if you are in love, you really are not! It might be you aren't yet (I don't know) but you are not.

For me, I first fell truly in love at 32, when it happened to me, I knew it was right! I just knew it! Everything added up, there wasn't a doubt in my mind.

I was always annoyed when I was younger because older people would say stuff like "Ahh, when your in love you just know it!" and I was always really p*ssed off with that answer because it was so unhelpful (to my thinking). I thought "I might well be in love now then? but how do I know if I can't define it?" Well, older now, I hate that those people where actually right and that I have to pass on the same advice.

So, if you have any doubt, your really not in love, your mearly either falling in love, comming to love or experiencing an emotional love for a person (not true love). I made a key mistake by thinking like I used to think. I got together with my ex girl friend based on the fact I cared for her so deeply I thought it must have been love. It wasn't (at least not true love). I knew it wasn't at the start really, but I rationalised that I was just scared or that I needed to grow up (which to be fair in some ways I still do) but when I met my someone, I knew, I knew I would love her forever. Right from the moment I fell for her.

Now it could happen differently for you. You might meet someone, grow to love them, then come to truly love them. I don't know how it happens or what makes one person different from the next. I just know the feeling of being totally sure your in love and with whom and that it will last a lifetime (of course, I'm undergoing stress tests on this as we speak.. but not from her. That's part of the point. Everything with her is easy, even the hard stuff... its not simple, but its easy). Also, just because you know its true love for you doesn't mean it will necesarily pan out the way you want it to... all you know is that you will love them forever (and always in the same way, you just are certain of this at every level).

So, I can't actually define love! This kinda makes sense because when I was younger and really tired although I came up with some good traits of love, it would never add up to the whole of what love is. Love cannot be defined because it is much more than the sum of its parts.

I can only say what it is and what it isn't in fact:

It is:
  • Being truely, deeply and completely certain of your feelings,
  • Being happy to sacrifice for the person but not having to because of them,
  • Being completely understood (though this does not prevent misunderstanding, it just a sense you get from them),
  • Finding you comletely understand them, and that the understanding comes easy (though maybe the second part is unique to me and my love),
  • Always caring for them, no matter what (though, in love, this should not be tested nor should things happen to test it often)
It isn't:

  • Controlling (excepting in that you both compromise for one another to meet eachothers needs and make each other happy),
  • Without problems (excepting in love all problems have a solution),
  • About passion (though there is passion in love, love is not defined by passion),
  • About sex (you make love when your in love. If your just "having sex" your not in love),
  • Free (Love is about mutual captivity, but always feeling free in a sense.. its a lovely contradiction because love binds two people together, but its always by mutual choice so your captive because you can never part, but your always choosing each other at every moment so are both free in a sense)
Think I did that justice!

Advice on Marriage

When you meet the right person, you just know you MUST marry them (I learned this at 32).

When I met my someone (speaking only for my side of things) I just knew it was right and would work. Before I meet her I was wondering if I should marry my ex girlfriend thinking prehaps I was a commitment phobic person.

You should be just friends with partners for a good time so you have a chance to find what you want in your life and how they see you as a person and outside of their sexual attraction to you.

So my advice. Make lots of long term friendships, hug the friends you care for the most, hold hands and kiss with the friends your attracted to. If you find one friend is more special than all the rest and you start worrying about someone else "snagging" him from you, have him as a boyfriend and spend time together as a couple (but keep seeing / being friends with your other friends and them with their friends, but put each other first).

At some point, lighting with strike you too with your current partner or with someone completely new and unexpected and you will know what you have to do.

Maybe for some they will just settle into their long term relationship.

People forget that Marriage is special and unique. Some people think its something that "just happens" to people, but not necesarily everyone should marry, its something special that happens to lucky people and tends to happen alot, but its not a guarenteed part of life like birth or death but a miracle in your life, like having a healthy child or finding a long lost relative.

Tuesday 13 October 2009

Google Chrome... Invasive?

I downloaded the latest version of Google Chrome today. Mainly I wanted to check out the cross-browser compatibility of my latest peice of JavaScript, but I guess also partly I was looking forward to checking out this browser offering.

On the surface, Google Chrome is everything anyone would want from a browser. Looks slick, works fast and has a "new take" on browsing. Yes, its nothing new really, just rather like launching IE in lots of seperate processes (perfectly possibly), but its well done and transparent to the user and the pre-compiled JavaEngine is great!

However, under the covers it appears a sinister spider lurks reporting on ones every action. Type something wrong in the address bar and sends it to google (of course Microsoft have done this, but at least in IE turning it off is straight forward) . Infact, whatever you seem to do with Chrome (even ordinary browsing), it seems to stay in constant touch with Google (or at least it talks to IP addresses completely unrelated to ones immidiate activities). This kind of behaviour frankly pisses me right off, whatever its doing, its not asked me if its ok. I've blocked Chrome to everything but the localhost whilst I check my scripts work alright in its environment (before I did that it was contacting Google [or some IP unknown internet IP] even working exclusively with offline (Intranet) content! Shameful (i'm actually a little worried whether its actually submitted my "private" and "copyright" scripts to Google when I tried out the developer tools).

I guess Microsoft have kind of been doing similar stuff with their "Microsoft Live" suite, but at least its quite clear from that title it is likely to be happening. Google seem to be moving markedly away from their roots these days and are being tarred by some of the same failings of the crowd (which is a real shame because Google's strength has been in its "honesty" and genuine service). Still, Google has not completely gone over to the dark side and its still my favourite and chosen search engine. I just hope they don't get sucked into the corporate money trap.